To give or to save

I have arrived in Lagos. I didn’t really want to come. I have been sick for weeks: coughing, tired, headaches. A doctor said it’s just bronchitis, nothing serious.

But when I’m feeling sick like this, I’m very aware of myself: aware of what I want and what makes me comfortable, aware of what I think will help me or hurt me, very aware of avoiding whatever makes me uncomfortable. I guess it’s a natural survival mechanism.

The last thing in the world I felt like doing this week was coming to Lagos and spending my limited precious energy surviving in a sweltering, chaotic, foreign place.

Hands at Work is partnered with people working in 5 slums in the city and a trip was badly needed for training, planning and encouraging. For various reasons, I was the one to do it. Everything in me wanted to say no.

Even once I was inside the shuttle bus riding into the city to catch my plane, I was overwhelmed with a feeling that this is crazy. It’s too much. I’ve spent the past year in various states of discomfort. I’m out of control of my life.

What about me?

I can’t answer that. But what’s the alternative? To do what I feel like doing? For most of my life, I’ve done that. The reality is that I’m not just like this when I’m sick, but my wants and self-interest drive most of my life. And such self-centred living didn’t give me much of the “life that is really life.”

Part of being here with Hands at Work is trying another way. Trying to learn to live beyond myself, to test if it’s really true: Jesus said if you try to save your life you’ll lose it. But if you give your life away, you’ll find it. Whatever you think of Jesus, that’s a compelling challenge.

I’m not sure yet if it’s true. As I discovered again in coming on this trip, it hasn’t worked out in my life yet. How about you?